I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
