Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
