Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize