Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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