You're my little dorito
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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