Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize