i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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