And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
