if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
