Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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