They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is Oprah even human
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
