and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
