hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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