I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When did angry sex become our thing?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize