I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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