Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
