so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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