well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
