Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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