My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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