Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize