can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
