How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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