Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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