Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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