This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
