i really wish james franco would like my vagina
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
