Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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