I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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