How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
