First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
