i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
