3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
