Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
