Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
