Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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