Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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