i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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