make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
