Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
