I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
