bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Randomize
