I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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