Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
