he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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