I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
