On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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