i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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