I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
