I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Enjoy the penises
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
