Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize