I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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