When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
