Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
