oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
