her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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