was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
