Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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