i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
