I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
