New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
