Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Everything about him screamed your future.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize