ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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