Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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