White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
