i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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