the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
