also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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